


Where’s a Stud When You Need One?

by SubaruBlue



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Dante is a dork, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Mild Fluff, One Shot, Reader-Insert, Sexual Humor, Teasing, but he is also a sweetheart, can be read with any Dante, gender neutral reader, my attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubaruBlue/pseuds/SubaruBlue
Summary: “Babe, what’re you doing?”“I’m trying to find a stud so I can hang this stupid thing up!”“Well, there’s a stud right here that can hang it for ya!”
Relationships: Dante (Devil May Cry)/Reader, Dante (Devil May Cry)/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	Where’s a Stud When You Need One?

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt at humor. Hopefully, it’s at least somewhat funny. This was inspired in part by a discussion I saw on Reddit. I hope that’s okay. I’m still new to this whole writing bit and didn’t know if I needed to ask permission to use it as inspiration or not? Not sure who I would even ask anyway, lol. Oh well. I’ve given credit here so hopefully that’s enough. Not sure if all of it is true or not, but we’ll just pretend for the sake of this story, mkay?

You glared at the little device in your hand. It had been working properly the last time you used it, so why wasn’t it working now? Granted the last time you _had_ used it was quite a while ago. In fact, it was probably about...okay, so you couldn’t exactly _remember_ the last time you’d used it, but that couldn’t be the reason. No, of course not.

You placed the stud finder against the wall again, sliding it from left to right more slowly this time, waiting for that telltale “beep” that indicated the presence of a stud. You passed over the short length of the wall you were working with again for what felt like the one hundredth time. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You let out a frustrated groan.

Your frustration finally caught the attention of the other person in the room. Dante looked up from the magazine he’d been reading at his desk. His feet were propped up on the wooden surface, which made it a bit awkward for him to turn around and look at you, but he managed.

“Babe, what’re you doing?” You could hear the confusion in his voice when he spoke. You glanced back over your shoulder at him to see his brows furrowed in a look of concern for you.

“I’m trying to find a stud so I can hang this stupid thing up!” You growled, gesturing at the large, heavy, framed mirror leaning against the couch. You turned back to the wall, staring it down as if you could see the studs inside it yourself with your nonexistent x-ray vision.

You heard the plop of the magazine landing on the desk and then your boyfriend’s boots hit the floor, followed by the screech of his chair sliding over wood as he stood.

Dante came up to stand next to you, first looking at the wall, then to the mirror, then at you. As soon as you saw the grin on his face, you knew something stupid was about to come out of his mouth. He gestured to himself, jabbing both his thumbs to his chest. “Well, there’s a stud right here that can hang it for ya!” he punctuated his statement with a wink.

“Not what I meant, Dante and you _know_ it,” you practically growled at him. Normally, you would’ve laughed at your boyfriend’s cheesy one-liners, but you were just irritated enough that you didn’t find it funny this time and you simply glared at him. You really weren’t in the mood for this. Suddenly though, an idea on how to get back at him for his joke came to mind. _A stud, huh? We’ll see about that._

Dante was unperturbed by your glaring expression, still smirking at you. That only made you more determined to poke a little fun at him. You still held the stud finder in your hand and you brought it up, holding it next to your face so it was now in his field of view.

Your glare morphed into a mischievous grin and he blinked in surprise at your sudden shift in mood. “So, think you’re a stud, do you? Why don’t we test that out?” You winked back at him.

To his credit, Dante didn’t budge when you suddenly shoved the seemingly defective device into his chest. Unfortunately, you didn’t even get a single moment of victory as the little device immediately let out that telltale “beep” you’d been trying to get for the past half hour on the wall. All you could do was gawk at the little gadget still held flush to his chest. The beeping continued as if it was mocking you; now you wanted to throw the stupid thing across the room.

“Soooo,” Dante drawled and you glanced up to look at him. You immediately regretted that when you saw the roguish grin now plastered on his handsome face and mentally prepared yourself for the teasing that was about to ensue. He paused for a moment, and wiggling his eyebrows at you, spoke over the incessant beeping of the little device, “Looks like it’s working, babe.”

You groaned again as you let your hand drop from his chest which cut short the stuff finder’s beep. _There’ll be no living with him after this,_ you thought over-dramatically. You were back to glaring at him now. “No it’s definitely broken. Or maybe I just bought a moron finder on accident, instead.” You tried to get the ball back in your court for this, but the look on Dante’s face told you he wasn’t going to make it easy for you.

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s working perfectly.” He crossed his arms over his chest, still smirking, “And I can prove it to you.”

You scoffed at that, your tone haughty as you goaded him, “Oh, yeah? How?” You weren’t sure it was a good idea to take up his challenge, but you weren’t backing down either, so you were left with little choice.

Dante uncrossed his arms and held out a hand, silently asking you to hand over the device. You were almost reluctant, but you knew refusing would result in an automatic forfeit so you roughly plopped the little machine into his waiting palm. You weren’t sure how it was possible, but his grin got wider and it did nothing to quell the feeling of dread in your gut. “I’ll show you,” he said confidently.

He turned then and walked over to another section of wall nearby, stopping in front of it, then turned back to look at you. Smirk still in place, he held your gaze, eyes never leaving yours as he lifted the stud finder to the wall. He hadn’t moved it but an inch across the wall before the traitorous little thing started going off and your mouth fell open in surprise. “What the hell?!” Dante broke eye contact with you as he shook with laughter.

“Shit sweetheart, you should see your face right now!” He grinned triumphantly as his laughter settled down. “Guess you just don’t know a stud when you see one.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you again.

To say you were embarrassed was a bit of an understatement. You were pretty sure you were as red as his trademark jacket and you brought your hands up to hide your face from him in hopes of not giving him any more fodder for his teasing.

You heard the beeping of the stud finder come to a stop and then his footfalls as he strode back over to you. He set the device down somewhere (where, you didn’t know or really care at the moment), then felt his hands on yours, gently pulling them away from your red face.

“Don’t worry. I won’t hold it against you.” He was winking at you again. “I’ll just have to show you what a real stud is.” The wiggling eyebrows made a reappearance. You couldn’t help but laugh at it now, as ridiculous and cheesy as it was, realizing belatedly, that this was the end result he’d been going for the whole time. You’d been getting frustrated and he’d come over and put a smile back on your face, just like he always did.

As your laughter tapered off, you raised up on the tips of your toes to give him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for that,” you said gently. His teasing grin softened into a warm smile at your gratitude. In the end, it seemed you were both winners.

You looked down and picked up the stud finder from where he’d laid it on the coffee table and stared at it with a resigned sigh, turning it over in your hand as you observed it. “I just don’t understand why it wasn’t working for me...” you were talking mostly to yourself, but that didn’t stop Dante from responding.

“Well, you see...” he trailed off, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his head with a sheepish look on his face, “You’re probably gonna have to find somewhere else to hang that if you need a stud.”

“Why?” You gave him a confused look.

He gestured to the area of wall you’d been working with as he spoke, “There’s not a stud in there.”

“WHAT?” He winced a bit as you raised your voice.

“Not sure why. Probably construction just cutting corners when they built the place and didn’t put any in. Or...well, it’s a pretty _small_ section of wall so, maybe it didn’t matter?” he shrugged as he said this, like it was no big deal.

“You mean you knew that all along and you didn’t say anything!?” Your voice was still raised, though not as much as before. He had a bit of a guilty look on his face since, yes, he’d known from the _start_ why your stud finder ‘wasn’t working properly.’

“Hey! You didn’t exactly tell me what you were doing.” He held his hands up in defense for a moment before continuing, “And, well, I think it’s kinda cute when you’re focused and working on a project like that,” he said as if it was a good excuse for not informing you of the problem sooner, “especially when you bend over.” He was back to grinning now and you rolled your eyes at that, annoyed. It didn’t deter him though, “Look at the bright side, babe...at least you know it’s not broken.” He cocked his head to the side with a smile and you found just couldn’t stay mad at him. He had cheered you up after all (even though he could have prevented your frustration in the first place).

“Gotta say though, I didn’t know those things could work on people.” he said curiously as he looked at the device in your hand.

“Well, it’s an electric one, not magnetic, so it makes sense that it would work on a person.” you said as you held it up.

When Dante didn’t respond at first, you looked from the stud finder to him, noting the confusion on his face. “What difference does that make?” The confusion was evident in his voice now too.

You dug into your mind to reach that well of useless knowledge lying around in there somewhere for a (hopefully) Dante-friendly explanation. “Electronic stud finders detect changes in the dielectric constant of the wall. It’s different when it’s over a stud rather than empty wall space.” At your statement, he only had a blank look on his face and you realized your explanation wasn’t as Dante-friendly as you’d hoped.

“So...does it measure the density of the wall, or something like that?” That was a fair assumption on his part, but not quite right.

“Not exactly. It measures how well an object allows an electric field to pass through itself.” You tried to explain it in the simplest way you could think of. There was a long moment of silence as you watched his face. He was no longer looking at you, staring at the floor instead, obviously trying to process that in his head.

Realization finally seemed to dawn on his face after a few moments, but whether it was from understanding or realizing he _wasn’t going_ to understand, you weren’t sure yet. He finally looked up at you again. “Okay, I think I get what you’re saying, so yeah, makes sense why it would work on me. I am a big stud after all.” Dante just couldn’t stay serious for long, and you were fairly certain now that he didn’t get it all, but he had you laughing again, regardless.

“You’re such a dork! Of course it would work on you. Stud or not,” -he gave you mock hurt look at that- “you’re healthy so there’s no reason it wouldn’t.” Well, as healthy as a half-devil who ate almost nothing but pizza and strawberry sundaes could be. You were certain if he were completely human that his horrible diet would have killed him a long time ago.

“What does being healthy have to do with it?” His head was cocked to the side again with that same curious look on his face that you were coming to love more and more.

“Supposedly, if it doesn’t beep when you try it on someone, they could have a bone disorder.” You weren’t sure of the validity of that, but you’d heard it _somewhere_ and it had stuck it your head like all the other tidbits of useless knowledge you had.

“Wait, really?” He looked surprised for a moment before his face slowly melted back into that roguish grin of his. “You mean like an erection lasting more than four hours?”

You groaned at him, “Not _that_ kind of bone disorder!”

“What? I’m sure it’s a valid problem for a lot of guys out there.” He started to gesture to the stairs. “We could always go find out if it’s a problem for me.” He was winking at you again.

You gave him a deadpan look as he started backing away from you towards the stairs. He was throwing you what you assumed he _thought_ was a sexy smirk. You couldn’t deny that it was working though, as you started following him, current project forgotten and out of mind. “Yeah, yeah, like I’d raise awareness for _that_ disorder.” Your voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Dante remained unfazed, scooping you up bridal style and making his way up the stairs, not even missing a beat in his reply, “You’ll raise something, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> A day may come, when I actually write smut, but it is not this day!
> 
> I’m working up to it though. If I ever get brave enough to actually write anything, that is (let alone post it).


End file.
